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The Jane Austen Punishments List

1. An evening at a recital given by Mary Bennet.

2. A tour of Rosings with Mr. Collins

3. Relationship advice from Lady Russell.

4. A visit to a library with Miss Bates.

5. An audience with the Queen accompanied by Mrs. Bennet.

6. A night of babysitting Lady Middleton's children.

7. Sir Walter Elliot standing in for your father at a father/son wilderness survival camp.

8. One day of nursing Mary Musgrove through one of her illnesses.

9. The friendship of Lucy Steele.

10. An evening of backgammon with Mr. Woodhouse (and don't expect sweetbread and asparagus when the refreshments arrive).

11. A girls' clothes-shopping expedition and makeover with Caroline Bingley.

12. Having Lydia Bennet over for a two weeks' holiday.

13. A conversation with Mrs. Elton about Maple Grove.

14. A carriage ride with John Thorpe.

15. Matchmaking by Caroline Bingley.

16. Dinner with Mr. Wickham.

17. Aunt Norris moves in next door and becomes an Amway distributor.

18. A moral discussion with Mary Bennet and Mr. Collins.

19. A cross-country tour in the Barouche with the condescending Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

20. The ultimate: Being Charlotte Lucas, walking down the aisle to exchange vows with her groom...Mr. Collins.

And a little tidbit for those of you who were brave enough to tough it out to the end...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single chicken, being possessed of a good fortune and presented with a good road, must be desirous of crossing.

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