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You might be an Austen-loving redneck if...


....your barouche is on blocks outside your parlour window.
....you eat grits with your white soup.
....you want to grow up and be just like Lydia Bennet.
....you think cleaning rifles with Charles Musgrove sounds like a hot date.
....you don't think it's weird that everyone seems to marry their cousin.
....you think a petticoat six inches deep in mud is just a speck of dirt.
....you think that the Price family of Portsmouth are an upper middle-class family.
....you are a part of the local "militia."
....your barouche-landau is lined with Astroturf.
....you show up at Pemberley in waders looking for those carp, tench and pike.

[The following refer to the various movie adaptations of Austen's novels:]

....you mistakenly shoot Lady Catherine's hat for supper.
....you're jealous that Anne Elliot gets to ride in that cart with the pig.
....you don't think that the old BBC Emma characters have big hair.
....you do not envy Darcy for his house, but his hounds.
....you're disappointed that the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack music hasn't come out on 8-track tape.
....Mary Bennet's singing at the piano reminds you of those great old country/western stars who have gone to the Grand Ole Opry in the sky (said reverently with cowboy hat over heart).


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